Well....
that is why. The picture above is my biological father, who raised me and my sister both, being escorted in his Naval Officers uniform to prison. He was being sent to prison for being obscenely abusive toward my sister and myself. I feared that man more than I feared death and I lived with him. I shared a house, food, a living room, a life with him. He was my Dad. People were so fooled by him. He was an incredibly well decorated officer, extremely successful, and the master manipulator.
I remember looking for his "signs"...he would bite his lip, mess with his class ring, take a deep breath, his face would get super red. I could feel the sting of his fist before it even made contact with my face. I ran away from that situation at age 15. I would like to insert the cliche "and never looked back" line here but I cant. I look back...every day....constantly.
I look back when my husband touches me when I am not ready. I look back when my kid upsets me. I look back when Macie accidentally headbutts me and my upbringing tells me to response with rage. I look back in my nightmares as a grown woman. I look back when I smell Marlboro reds. I look back when I smell peppermint, when I see that khaki uniform in my peripherals...
I guess what I am trying to say is...my situation is extreme and I understand that but this kind of stuff sticks with you...and it makes a difference. It ranges from minor to terrible but it is real. What you do to your kids is real and permanant....
please just....think about how badly you are hurt and how vividly you remember a time when someone you loved and trusted hurt you the most....you can recall every detail. What they said, what they were wearing, what you were eating, what the smells were..what the weather was like...If you chose not to forgive them and even harbor resentment towards them...you have no problem justifyin that. OR even if you have a "fine" relationship with them now..the pain never goes away.
food for thought
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